Porn 'N Eggs On The Playa: Smash LeFunk Revisits Burning Man 2009
You put out a cigarette on the sole of your shoe and stick it in the back pocket with the others. Be a desert ninja. Leave no trace. Your shadow tells you that it is a little past noon..... it could be 8 in the morn, for all your shadow knows. Either way, you want cheesy eggs and a beer-preferably micro brewed. An off the dusty wall request in any other desert on Miss Mother Earth's delicious crust, but you are in Black Rock City and there is nothing here that one would observe as normal. The king in you requests cheesy eggs. Scrambled.
She passes on a unicycle and smiles. You tip your bowler hat and stop her. She is unamused, for she was on a unicycle. Purple wig, fur and stockings; she looks as though she smells like candy. You ask if she thought cheesy eggs would be part of her day. Her eyes light up. She grabs you by the arm and tells you that she has a surprise for you. You oblige without knowing what this future has in store.
What seemed like miles was more like yards. It just takes so long to get anywhere...and you love it. By the time you get to your destination, if you have one to begin with (in this case, I was on an arm pull journey with a sophisticated temptress who I later found to be on 3 hits of acid...and riding a unicycle. Props.), you will have had 4 conversations with 3 random beautiful freaks, 2 stops to the john, a hop on an art car and a couple of beers (one of which was micro brewed. Go Team You!).
Next to cheesy eggs, there is very little this world can offer. period. Other things seem too complicated and just not as interesting. But cheesy eggs cant stand alone on top of this magnificent cliff. Even the Lone Ranger had a companion (and she was a whore). So who could possibly come close to such stature? That would be porn. And the two combine to make a perfect match on here on the playa. Don't ask yourself why, just enter Porn and Eggs at 6:30am.
This place is infamous in the Nevada corners of the playa. Porn and Eggs. It's where fashionistas on the lonely streets of Melrose Place would never come. Porn and Eggs; the toughest establishment on the playa.
You step on thousands upon thousands of dirty magazines, as porn plays at high volume on a TV that is running off a generator. These walls scream dusty vagina and it is making you famished. This mental arousal is deterring you from your journey. Do not panic! Just pick up some porn and relax-that's what it is there for, right?
You are so close now that you can literally smell 'em. The cheesy egg scent is so enamoring that it somehow reminds you of vagina. But maybe it's the filthy mag you are stepping on entitled Filthy Fuckers that is setting off the hormonal imbalance.
But then you hear a pop on a corner grill. This is a pop you are familiar with. A pop of fatty butter and egg yolk marrying in delicious harmony. You spot them on the grill that's just across - frying away. You smile and thank the king in you for having such dirty habits.
Because when I'm on The Playa, I prefer them scrambled, please.
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