A Dance With Tequila: Lucha Va Voom at The Mayan
A night at Lucha Va Voom is a seductive dance with a bottle of tequila. You take her by the hand, leading the way, taking off her top with strength and suave confidence. You drink her in, feeling her warmth in your stomach, enraptured by the way she makes you feel, swimming in her sea of tranquility. But soon, you’ve pushed past the point of no return, and chairs are falling over, people are running and screaming, clothes are flying off in all directions, there are stains on the floor, and you’re surrounded by midgets wearing chicken costumes.
Well, maybe that last part is unique to the Lucha Va Voom experience, but the rest of it stays. “Tonight is our special Halloween show,” said creator Rita D’Albert. “It will be the Halloween version of authentic Mexican masked wrestling, saucy striptease, and crass comedy on top.”
“I’ve already got my drink on,” said Rita. “I’ve probably kicked some people for no reason, maybe grabbed a few bums."
Everyone looks so sexy. We like to have a lot of champagne in the dressing room, and then God forbid the tequila kicks in.
We soon found our way to the bar, and with each drink, our cheering became more rampant. We were more than just spectators. We were deeply involved. Duke and I began betting on the matches, with the stakes rising after each. Duke felt strongly about Los Calaveras (I think it was their little guitars), even though they were “kind of fat for skeletons,” according to host Greg Proops.
I was rooting for the chickens, and very nearly lost my car in the Duke/Chase wagering due to the little midget one getting a fucking backache. I don’t know if it was part of the act, or if those kicks really did damage his spinal structure, but he pretty much had to be carried away. You’d think many trips to Las Vegas would have taught me not to mix gambling and drinking, and especially midget wrestling, but no.
We talked to one of the ring girls, the Halloween-themed Kim Killdashian, who was making her maiden Lucha Va Voom voyage. “This is my first time here, and I can’t wait to take my top off.”
And she wasn’t even one of the burlesque dancers.
That’s right. In addition to all of this Mexican wrestling, there’s stripping. A little sexo for your violencia. In fact, there are all of the elements here for some good foreplay: costumes, alcohol, a colorful atmosphere, a lot of skin, and some strong energy.
Killdashian told us that she was so-monikered because she had killed “all of [my] ex-boyfriends, and by the way it’s really hot in this wig.”
“Did you just shave your head tonight?,” said Duke.
“That’s not all,” said Killdashian, with a wink.
Soon, wrestlers were jumping from the ring into the crowd. People were sent scattering, including some wearing their own costumes. The hipster crowd loves this shit. The rest of the uninitiated wouldn’t believe that in darkened places in the middle of the night, a man named Dirty Sanchez is “trying to smother a man with his buttocks,” said Reverend Brown.
The Reverend, a favorite of ours from the Girly Girl Catfight Show from the same promoters, was full of instructions on what we should do to repent for our sinful ways.
“The first thing you should do is buy the Reverend a drink. The second thing is introduce me to any of the women you’ve sinned with, for some peer-to-peer counseling. Just because I see the Lord doesn’t mean I’m blind. I see these women doing what they do and I think they’d be great candidates for my new church.”
He riled up the crowd, admonishing them for their cheers and showing concern for their souls. But not, apparently, for his own.
“My favorite way to sin is to come to this Lucha Va Voom and make sure that the women get home safely,” he said.
“We always need the place for a little religion to remind us that we’re sinning,” said co-creator D’Albert.” If you’ve never been to Lucha Va Voom, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, it’s so fucking fun.
We have striptease, it’s very energetic, and over the wrestling we have comedians making fun of the whole thing.
“It’s like a Grateful Dead show,” said host Proops, “except that it’s entertaining and people actually like it.”
I’m off the tequila for a bit, though I do owe Duke a round of drinks for the poor fucking midget performance.
Lucha is back in February. Those midgets better be ready.
Watch: Interview with Kim Killdashian
Watch: Interview with Rita D'Albert, creator
Watch: Interview with hosts Greg and Blaine
